There are two times in the life of a couples relationship when seeking the help of a therapist can be optimal. One is when the first sign that an area of conflict is repeating between the two people and the other is prior to marriage. In the first case, the “couple” does not have to be romantically linked, but could also be two people in a family or business partners. In the second case, the idea is to address potential problems in the relationship with enough time before the wedding, so that the marriage can begin on the best note possible.

Unfortunately, many couples who are having trouble in their relationship wait until the problems are more entrenched and severe before seeking help. Sometimes it is only the threat of the relationship breaking up that brings a couple to the decision to see a therapist. Unless couples who are planning to marry are required or encouraged by a religious organization to seek premarital counseling, they may not want to acknowledge to themselves that they have any potential problems. It is understandable that they would not want the romantic bubble they are in to be challenged by looking realistically at conflicts between them.

But the best time for a couple to look at themselves and how they relate to one another is when there is a fairly high amount of trust and good will in the relationship. These ingredients are needed as the context in which resolution of conflict can occur without damage to either person or to the bond between them. In a healthy relationship, resolving conflicts serves to strengthen the connection between the two people and fosters personal growth for each individual.

If a couple waits until there is a fairly high level of misery in the relationship due to conflict, the task of couple’s therapy is more challenging, but it may still be possible to find resolution and strengthen the relationship. The re-establishment of trust and the rebuilding of good will may take more time. Sometimes one or both parties feel that the other is mostly to blame for their problems, and it may be true that one is contributing more than the other. But ultimately both people participate in the formation of the difficulties, and both have to be willing and able to acknowledge their own contributions and to be willing to do the work of changing.

Ultimately, if a relationship cannot go on in its present form, couple’s therapy can be useful in working out an alternative arrangement. This process is usually fraught with anger and pain, and having a therapist to facilitate those difficult discussions may make the difference between a very destructive process and one that takes everyone’s needs into account, including children’s, to reach the best possible outcome under the circumstances. Couple’s therapy may take very different paths, depending on how the couple comes into it, but it is in general useful for achieving the best possible outcome.

Dr. Jordan specializes in treating anxiety, stress, trauma, and self-esteem problems, through a personalized therapeutic plan. With over 16 years experience and training, she can help you achieve a sense of well-being and satisfaction with yourself, your relationships, and your life.

By Margaret Jordan, PhD

Source: http://www.drmargaretjordan.com

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